The wall of trivia allows for two people to keep an emotional distance from each other.
It is the Free Child to Free Child interactions that provide for the emotional intimacy between two people.
Revenge, wanting justice to be done, to have my day in court or for things to be made fair are all wishes and desires that reduce one’s ability to drop a feeling.
I do know people like Bob Goulding always said there needs to be a good deal of laughter in therapy. Maybe he was saying this so as to reduce the gallows transaction effect.
The redecision work brings a sense of more clarity to the work with a discrete beginning and end and also to the two participants involved here (therapist and client). It allows them to experience a sense of “I” in the therapy.
One explanation for parallel process is empathy gone wrong.
A psychological game is a repetitive, unconscious pattern of self destructive behaviour played out in a relationship.
“When I phone you for an appointment I usually feel quite anxious and despairing. As soon as I have made the appointment it all goes away and I feel fine. Then I think I don’t need to go and see you.”
The best advice for this is simply to be happy and confident in your body. Some men will find it erotic and some men wont no matter what shape or size it happens to be.
Psychological change is a very personal and intimate thing that can touch the very core of who we are. If a client reaches out to a therapist and seeks to acknowledge their role in what has been a very personal experience for them, maybe it is a discount not to do so
Introjection involves a person ingesting or taking in the other person’s personality into their Parent ego state such that it becomes part of them.
Is he still there and is he still the same? – is what I think is behind this revisit. As a therapist it feels kind of nice when that happens.
It’s like the two person psychology and the idea of co creation they are based on a philosophy of no individual personal power. One isn’t who they are as an individual, instead one just becomes part of relationship and is powerless to be the core of who they are.
You know it if you have had it – chemistry. You meet someone and you get that special feeling that is a very strong motivator. You know when you have it but you can’t really describe it.
They don’t fall in love with the therapist, instead they fall in love with a shadow of a person where they fill in the gaps with positive personality features.
Maybe my young ex marine client has unconsciously understood the finer aspects of the relationship he has with those individuals who are the enemy and communicated that to me metaphorically. I must remember to thank him for that insight.
The client is then asked to respond to the therapist, who is now seen as say mother, in a way they always wanted to, but never did as a child. For instance the client may have been angry at mother but never expressed it, or they only expressed it in a passive aggressive way.
Transference neurosis refers to the situation in psychotherapy where the client will establish the same type and pattern of relationship with the therapist that he had with his original mother and father.
As all the new ‘romantic things’ the teenager has to do become more automatic, the teenager is then afforded the ‘psychological space’ in their head to begin to experience the other in this new way. They can begin to experience the personality of the romantic other.
Full contact in relationships is something that many humans seek but at the same time can be frightening. It seems safe to say that the natural human condition is to have quite a strong ambivalence about emotional intimacy in relationship.
A man will usually use a woman as a trophy because of his own insecurities and magical thinking as this diagram shows. He has doubts about his own worth and OKness.
Carl Jung was big on this idea. He said that a husband learns to see the women’s perspective because over time he introjects the wife’s personality into his own.
If two people can at times be caring and considerate of the other party that is a very good thing in a long term friendship (marriage). Random acts of kindness, unsolicited, can generate so much good will.
If she believes this (with or without his encouragement) she finds herself in the same relationship dynamics as the teenager who is not economically separate from the parents. The marriage will then suffer.
The solution being suggested here is reflective of one of the main parenting problems in current day society. How and when do you let a child suffer on its own?
The problem with experiencing emotional intimacy with another is that it also frightens people.
But it seems we need to have another look at the marriage type relationship as it is not working all that well for most people and we have a significant number of people living in their own domicile as individuals. And non face to face communication is very easy now compared to 50 years ago.
The same testing behaviour can happen in the therapeutic relationship. Any client is already in a vulnerable and emotionally open position in therapy. Or at least that is what will have to happen soon for the person to benefit from the therapy, or little will be achieved.
(I was asked about neediness the other day and how to deal with it) Why would a woman repetitively become involved with men who are needy. Men who require emotional propping up. Therapy The focus of therapy is about her, not about him. She has probably spent some time discussing him with friends and family …
That she chooses needy men just as much as they choose her. Her pattern is not bad luck or some kind of fate. She needs needy men just as much as needy men need her.