It is the Free Child to Free Child interactions that provide for the emotional intimacy between two people.
Revenge, wanting justice to be done, to have my day in court or for things to be made fair are all wishes and desires that reduce one’s ability to drop a feeling.
It is hoped adolescents can learn these process of argument and disagreement. The more they do the more successful their relationships in adulthood will be.
Carl Jung was big on this idea. He said that a husband learns to see the women’s perspective because over time he introjects the wife’s personality into his own.
If two people can at times be caring and considerate of the other party that is a very good thing in a long term friendship (marriage). Random acts of kindness, unsolicited, can generate so much good will.
If she believes this (with or without his encouragement) she finds herself in the same relationship dynamics as the teenager who is not economically separate from the parents. The marriage will then suffer.
But it seems we need to have another look at the marriage type relationship as it is not working all that well for most people and we have a significant number of people living in their own domicile as individuals. And non face to face communication is very easy now compared to 50 years ago.