In essence the Parent and Child ego states free up the Adult to engage in higher level cognitive functions and relationship skills. Indeed the Adult ego state is dependent on having active Parent and Child ego states influencing it.
The problem with experiencing emotional intimacy with another is that it also frightens people.
It seems safe to say that the natural human condition is to have quite a strong ambivalence about emotional intimacy in relationship.
“I want it but it scares me”.
Hence one could argue, a key component of grief or goodbye work, is dealing with this natural ambivalence about intimacy with another.
The descriptive model of ego states sometimes also known as the functional model of ego states was originally presented by Eric Berne in his book “What Do You Say After You Say Hello”.
Also they may have a strong Please me driver. This person defines self according to the needs and wants of others. The intent of this driver is to obtain nurture (love, approval) and avoid abandonment (rejection, loneliness) but in doing so they present as lacking substance or lack a sense of who they are.
This is important from a therapeutic point of view in that the therapist is meant to guide the person to firstly understand the question they are asking and secondly assisting the person to gain some kind of answer to it.
But it seems we need to have another look at the marriage type relationship as it is not working all that well for most people and we have a significant number of people living in their own domicile as individuals. And non face to face communication is very easy now compared to 50 years ago.
This allows the Free Child to again be re-experienced instead of cut off and thus one gains a sense of reconnection or wholeness in the personality. Unfortunately it’s only temporary. The intense stimuli can be cutting self with a razor blade, some sexual experiences or engaging in high risk behaviour.
The same testing behaviour can happen in the therapeutic relationship. Any client is already in a vulnerable and emotionally open position in therapy. Or at least that is what will have to happen soon for the person to benefit from the therapy, or little will be achieved.
One does not seek to do therapy on this aspect of the personality but one embraces it and seeks to develop some kind of coexistence with it. One embraces their depression or learns to love their panic attacks one could say. It is accepted as a normal part of their thanatos. it can’t be changed even if one wanted to.
It should be noted that the third muse, sleepy, is a pull to nonlife, it is not a pull towards death. These people are not suicidal in the usual sense of the word.
People are a diverse group. Maybe our psychological theories need to reflect that more so
If the child never resolves its state of primary narcissism then it will never adopt one of these five positions and remains as I+U? or I-U?, which is typical of the narcissistic, borderline and some anti social personalities.
(I was asked about neediness the other day and how to deal with it) Why would a woman repetitively become involved with men who are needy. Men who require emotional propping up. Therapy The focus of therapy is about her, not about him. She has probably spent some time discussing him with friends and family …
That she chooses needy men just as much as they choose her. Her pattern is not bad luck or some kind of fate. She needs needy men just as much as needy men need her.
They are barriers people often use to avoid getting into relationships. There are many and varied reasons why people avoid forming an intimate relationships with a mate.
Any system is only as strong as it weakest part. In therapy one looks for the weakest part of the five areas and focusses on that.
The final script payoff is of particular note. As people move into their 40s, 50s and 60s the final script payoff becomes much more obvious. We all have a life script and are all heading down that path through life to its inevitable conclusion.
This also highlights the process of hero worship as a psychological phenomena and how it influences our personality development.
Four or five months ago I went on a graffiti photographic shoot. I went through parts of the the city to find the best graffiti artwork to use them on my website and so forth. In my two day effort I found many high quality pieces and photographically recorded them. Included were 16 photographs I …
The goal of experimental use is to experiment and find out what this thing called cannabis feels like. Once they have used a few times they have experimented and thus the reason disappears.
Drugs do not grab people and draw them into addiction. The person with a particular personality structure will go and find their drug of choice and then an addiction will ensue.
Statistics of Australian drug use This comes from the Australian Psychological Society “The use of licit substances is the most prevalent type of substance use, and an accepted part of Australian and most other western societies. The vast majority of Australians use caffeine, through the consumption of tea, coffee, cola drinks and chocolate. The regular …
Where mother’s injunction says “Don’t leave me!” Synanon says “Stay here instead.” (p.185-186). He also says elsewhere, “Curing an addict is the easiest thing in the world – if.
Hence the infantile pattern of seeking relief from emotional discomfort through eating food.
In most counselling situations this can not occur. It may get too expensive and most often the person has to make appointments with the counsellor such that they have to wait days if not weeks to meet. Even if it is free or they can afford it most counsellors don’t really see the same client …
As Eric Berne said, “A stroke is a unit of attention” and one can have positive strokes and negative strokes. As a therapist it is easy to forget the importance of strokes and the important therapeutic role they can play. The importance of them is no better demonstrated than by looking at a whole discipline …
The DSM-5 includes gambling addiction in the substance-related and addictive disorders along with the drug and alcohol addictions. Whilst this could be seen as a widely held belief that gambling should be included in such a category along with drugs and alcohol it does have some difficulties. Firstly, in my book I see the dependent …