This is one of those articles where you begin writing something and end up writing about something completely different. I was going to write about children and black and white thinking but ended up writing about a recent sessions I did with two children and their mother.
The literature on black and white thinking often carries some confusion about the explanation of what it is. Or more correctly what are the underlying psychological causes that result in a person displaying this childlike type of thinking.
If two people can at times be caring and considerate of the other party that is a very good thing in a long term friendship (marriage). Random acts of kindness, unsolicited, can generate so much good will.
When marriage occurs one marries the individual person and also marries their family structure all their attachments and relationships as well.
The therapist needs to build a special kind of relational contract with it over a period of time, and regularly maintain that contact in the therapeutic process. One has to go along with its destructiveness at times which can require some very wily and shrewd therapeutic interventions.
This blog post follows on from the previous one titled, “The psychological need for violent images.” In that it was proposed that humans have a natural inbuilt psychological mechanism that allows them to desensitise to offensive and distressing images. Humans will desensitise quite quickly to violent images. If one sees violence a few times then …
The human psyche is no different. When we see violent images we naturally desensitise and after recuperation we come back mentally stronger. It all a matter of degree.
The Don’t exist injunction is different in that it is a belief a child takes on in childhood. The child basically comes to the conclusion that its own death is a viable solution to a problem.
Is there any difference in the self destructive motivations of these two men?
This is what we need to be screening for and indeed this is what I did when I worked in prison identifying suicidal and self harming inmates. If one identifies people with this injunction, as I did with many in the prison system, one knows this person is quite capable of suicide at a later time.
Discounting a child’s perception of reality. I was doing some mother-son therapy the other day. As a consequence of our discussions she asked if I would put my views in writing. I was informed by mother that at the boy’s school in years 1 to 3 they do not have winning and loosing. When the …
If she believes this (with or without his encouragement) she finds herself in the same relationship dynamics as the teenager who is not economically separate from the parents. The marriage will then suffer.
Some female anorexics are seeking to make their bodies (and therefore sense of self) pre pubertal.
The solution being suggested here is reflective of one of the main parenting problems in current day society. How and when do you let a child suffer on its own?
In essence the Parent and Child ego states free up the Adult to engage in higher level cognitive functions and relationship skills. Indeed the Adult ego state is dependent on having active Parent and Child ego states influencing it.
The problem with experiencing emotional intimacy with another is that it also frightens people.
It seems safe to say that the natural human condition is to have quite a strong ambivalence about emotional intimacy in relationship.
“I want it but it scares me”.
Hence one could argue, a key component of grief or goodbye work, is dealing with this natural ambivalence about intimacy with another.
The descriptive model of ego states sometimes also known as the functional model of ego states was originally presented by Eric Berne in his book “What Do You Say After You Say Hello”.
Also they may have a strong Please me driver. This person defines self according to the needs and wants of others. The intent of this driver is to obtain nurture (love, approval) and avoid abandonment (rejection, loneliness) but in doing so they present as lacking substance or lack a sense of who they are.
This is important from a therapeutic point of view in that the therapist is meant to guide the person to firstly understand the question they are asking and secondly assisting the person to gain some kind of answer to it.
But it seems we need to have another look at the marriage type relationship as it is not working all that well for most people and we have a significant number of people living in their own domicile as individuals. And non face to face communication is very easy now compared to 50 years ago.
This allows the Free Child to again be re-experienced instead of cut off and thus one gains a sense of reconnection or wholeness in the personality. Unfortunately it’s only temporary. The intense stimuli can be cutting self with a razor blade, some sexual experiences or engaging in high risk behaviour.
The same testing behaviour can happen in the therapeutic relationship. Any client is already in a vulnerable and emotionally open position in therapy. Or at least that is what will have to happen soon for the person to benefit from the therapy, or little will be achieved.
One does not seek to do therapy on this aspect of the personality but one embraces it and seeks to develop some kind of coexistence with it. One embraces their depression or learns to love their panic attacks one could say. It is accepted as a normal part of their thanatos. it can’t be changed even if one wanted to.
It should be noted that the third muse, sleepy, is a pull to nonlife, it is not a pull towards death. These people are not suicidal in the usual sense of the word.
People are a diverse group. Maybe our psychological theories need to reflect that more so
If the child never resolves its state of primary narcissism then it will never adopt one of these five positions and remains as I+U? or I-U?, which is typical of the narcissistic, borderline and some anti social personalities.
(I was asked about neediness the other day and how to deal with it) Why would a woman repetitively become involved with men who are needy. Men who require emotional propping up. Therapy The focus of therapy is about her, not about him. She has probably spent some time discussing him with friends and family …
That she chooses needy men just as much as they choose her. Her pattern is not bad luck or some kind of fate. She needs needy men just as much as needy men need her.
They are barriers people often use to avoid getting into relationships. There are many and varied reasons why people avoid forming an intimate relationships with a mate.