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Tony White

Psychologist

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  • Home
  • Profile
    • Professional History
    • Professional Services
    • About Me
    • Training & Work Background
  • Books
  • Journals
  • Blogs

Blogs

Black and white thinking – Normal and abnormal.

September 24, 2014 //  by Tony White

The literature on black and white thinking often carries some confusion about the explanation of what it is. Or more correctly what are the underlying psychological causes that result in a person displaying this childlike type of thinking.

Black and white thinking – Normal and abnormal.Read More

Category: child development, Child ego state, dissociation, ego statesTag: A1 ego state, adult ego state, Black and white thinking, borderline personality, cognitive development

The four Cs model of relationships

September 21, 2014 //  by Tony White

If two people can at times be caring and considerate of the other party that is a very good thing in a long term friendship (marriage). Random acts of kindness, unsolicited, can generate so much good will.

The four Cs model of relationshipsRead More

Category: Marriage, Personality, RelationshipTag: adult ego state, caring, Marriage

Adolescence – the leaving home stage of development

September 20, 2014 //  by Tony White

When marriage occurs one marries the individual person and also marries their family structure all their attachments and relationships as well.

Adolescence – the leaving home stage of developmentRead More

Category: Addiction, child development, Eating disorder, identity, Marriage, teenagerTag: adolescence, child development, teenager

The Demon sub personality (Aka Lillith)

September 18, 2014 //  by Tony White

The therapist needs to build a special kind of relational contract with it over a period of time, and regularly maintain that contact in the therapeutic process. One has to go along with its destructiveness at times which can require some very wily and shrewd therapeutic interventions.

The Demon sub personality (Aka Lillith)Read More

Category: identity, Personality, PsychotherapyTag: counselling, demon, Ego states, life script, psychotherapy

The psychological need for violent images – Part 2

September 9, 2014 //  by Tony White

This blog post follows on from the previous one titled, “The psychological need for violent images.” In that it was proposed that humans have a natural inbuilt psychological mechanism that allows them to desensitise to offensive and distressing images. Humans will desensitise quite quickly to violent images. If one sees violence a few times then …

The psychological need for violent images – Part 2Read More

Category: Uncategorized

The psychological need for violent images

August 21, 2014 //  by Tony White

The human psyche is no different. When we see violent images we naturally desensitise and after recuperation we come back mentally stronger. It all a matter of degree.

The psychological need for violent imagesRead More

Category: child development, Social developmentTag: desensitisation, violence

Suicide and the average man

August 17, 2014 //  by Tony White

The Don’t exist injunction is different in that it is a belief a child takes on in childhood. The child basically comes to the conclusion that its own death is a viable solution to a problem.

Suicide and the average manRead More

Category: parenting, Personality, suicideTag: Ego states, suicide, thanatos

Suicide and self destructiveness

August 16, 2014 //  by Tony White

Is there any difference in the self destructive motivations of these two men?

Suicide and self destructivenessRead More

Category: suicideTag: self destruction, suicide

Suicide and depression

August 15, 2014 //  by Tony White

This is what we need to be screening for and indeed this is what I did when I worked in prison identifying suicidal and self harming inmates. If one identifies people with this injunction, as I did with many in the prison system, one knows this person is quite capable of suicide at a later time.

Suicide and depressionRead More

Category: self harm, suicideTag: depression, suicide

Children – winners & losers

July 30, 2014 //  by Tony White

Discounting a child’s perception of reality. I was doing some mother-son therapy the other day. As a consequence of our discussions she asked if I would put my views in writing. I was informed by mother that at the boy’s school in years 1 to 3 they do not have winning and loosing. When the …

Children – winners & losersRead More

Category: child development, Personality, Social developmentTag: adult ego state, child, competition, discounting

The young adult and independence

July 28, 2014 //  by Tony White

If she believes this (with or without his encouragement) she finds herself in the same relationship dynamics as the teenager who is not economically separate from the parents. The marriage will then suffer.

The young adult and independenceRead More

Category: Dependency, Marriage, Relationship, systems theory, teenagerTag: individuation, Marriage, separation, teenager

Psychotherapy with Lillith

July 24, 2014 //  by Tony White

Some female anorexics are seeking to make their bodies (and therefore sense of self) pre pubertal.

Psychotherapy with LillithRead More

Category: Anorexia, Eating disorder, Personality, PsychotherapyTag: Anorexia, counselling, Lillith, personality

The bully victim dynamic

July 21, 2014 //  by Tony White

The solution being suggested here is reflective of one of the main parenting problems in current day society. How and when do you let a child suffer on its own?

The bully victim dynamicRead More

Category: bully, child development, RelationshipTag: bully, child, relationships

The three ego state integrative model

July 17, 2014 //  by Tony White

In essence the Parent and Child ego states free up the Adult to engage in higher level cognitive functions and relationship skills. Indeed the Adult ego state is dependent on having active Parent and Child ego states influencing it.

The three ego state integrative modelRead More

Category: child development, ego statesTag: child development, Ego states, fixation, introjection

Intimacy ambivalence

July 3, 2014 //  by Tony White

The problem with experiencing emotional intimacy with another is that it also frightens people.

Intimacy ambivalenceRead More

Category: Dependency, intimacy, RelationshipTag: closeness, Free child, intimacy, relationships

The two sides of goodbye work

June 30, 2014 //  by Tony White

It seems safe to say that the natural human condition is to have quite a strong ambivalence about emotional intimacy in relationship.

“I want it but it scares me”.

Hence one could argue, a key component of grief or goodbye work, is dealing with this natural ambivalence about intimacy with another.

The two sides of goodbye workRead More

Category: counsellingTag: death, grief, psychotherapy

The descriptive model of ego states

June 26, 2014 //  by Tony White

The descriptive model of ego states sometimes also known as the functional model of ego states was originally presented by Eric Berne in his book “What Do You Say After You Say Hello”.

The descriptive model of ego statesRead More

Category: Child ego state, persoanlityTag: child, child development, Ego state, personality

Who am I? Therapeutic consequences.

June 22, 2014 //  by Tony White

Also they may have a strong Please me driver. This person defines self according to the needs and wants of others. The intent of this driver is to obtain nurture (love, approval) and avoid abandonment (rejection, loneliness) but in doing so they present as lacking substance or lack a sense of who they are.

Who am I? Therapeutic consequences.Read More

Category: child development, ego statesTag: Antiscript, child development, identity, please me, teenager

Psychotherapy of the antiscript stage of development

June 19, 2014 //  by Tony White

This is important from a therapeutic point of view in that the therapist is meant to guide the person to firstly understand the question they are asking and secondly assisting the person to gain some kind of answer to it.

Psychotherapy of the antiscript stage of developmentRead More

Category: child development, experimentation, PsychotherapyTag: Antiscript, logotherapy, psychotherapy

Permutations of marriage as an institution

June 18, 2014 //  by Tony White

But it seems we need to have another look at the marriage type relationship as it is not working all that well for most people and we have a significant number of people living in their own domicile as individuals. And non face to face communication is very easy now compared to 50 years ago.

Permutations of marriage as an institutionRead More

Category: Marriage, RelationshipTag: Marriage, relationships

Self harm in a wider context

June 11, 2014 //  by Tony White

This allows the Free Child to again be re-experienced instead of cut off and thus one gains a sense of reconnection or wholeness in the personality. Unfortunately it’s only temporary. The intense stimuli can be cutting self with a razor blade, some sexual experiences or engaging in high risk behaviour.

Self harm in a wider contextRead More

Category: dissociationTag: desensitisation, dissociation, Free child, self harm

Testing in relationships

June 9, 2014 //  by Tony White

The same testing behaviour can happen in the therapeutic relationship. Any client is already in a vulnerable and emotionally open position in therapy. Or at least that is what will have to happen soon for the person to benefit from the therapy, or little will be achieved.

Testing in relationshipsRead More

Category: experimentation, intimacy, Psychotherapy, RelationshipTag: emotional intimacy, psychotherapy, relationships, Transactional analysis

Therapy of self destructiveness

June 4, 2014 //  by Tony White

One does not seek to do therapy on this aspect of the personality but one embraces it and seeks to develop some kind of coexistence with it. One embraces their depression or learns to love their panic attacks one could say. It is accepted as a normal part of their thanatos. it can’t be changed even if one wanted to.

Therapy of self destructivenessRead More

Category: child development, counselling, UncategorizedTag: Adapted child, child development, Free child, life script, self destruction, thanatos

Sleepy as part of the Free Child

June 3, 2014 //  by Tony White

It should be noted that the third muse, sleepy, is a pull to nonlife, it is not a pull towards death. These people are not suicidal in the usual sense of the word.

Sleepy as part of the Free ChildRead More

Category: child development, counselling, Psychotherapy, TheoryTag: counselling, Free child, nonlife

Psychotherapy & those who don’t fit

May 29, 2014 //  by Tony White

People are a diverse group. Maybe our psychological theories need to reflect that more so

Psychotherapy & those who don’t fitRead More

Category: Psychotherapy, society values, TheoryTag: change, eros, freud, hope, psychotherapy

The formation of life positions

May 26, 2014 //  by Tony White

If the child never resolves its state of primary narcissism then it will never adopt one of these five positions and remains as I+U? or I-U?, which is typical of the narcissistic, borderline and some anti social personalities.

The formation of life positionsRead More

Category: child development, Life positionTag: borderline siblings, narcissism, siblings, Transactional analysis

Neediness in relationship

May 24, 2014 //  by Tony White

(I was asked about neediness the other day and how to deal with it) Why would a woman repetitively become involved with men who are needy. Men who require emotional propping up. Therapy The focus of therapy is about her, not about him. She has probably spent some time discussing him with friends and family …

Neediness in relationshipRead More

Category: All Blog Posts, Dependency, Psychotherapy, RelationshipTag: dependency, empower, life script, therapy

Neediness in relationship

May 24, 2014 //  by Tony White

That she chooses needy men just as much as they choose her. Her pattern is not bad luck or some kind of fate. She needs needy men just as much as needy men need her.

Neediness in relationshipRead More

Category: Dependency, Psychotherapy, RelationshipTag: dependency, empower, life script, therapy

Social development – History taking

May 22, 2014 //  by Tony White

They are barriers people often use to avoid getting into relationships. There are many and varied reasons why people avoid forming an intimate relationships with a mate.

Social development – History takingRead More

Category: child development, Psychotherapy, Social developmentTag: adolescence, adulthood, history taking, isolation, redecision, therapy

The interwoven structure of the life script

May 19, 2014 //  by Tony White

Any system is only as strong as it weakest part. In therapy one looks for the weakest part of the five areas and focusses on that.

The interwoven structure of the life scriptRead More

Category: Psychotherapy, systems theoryTag: life script, racket system, redecision

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Recent Posts

  • Deconfusion of the Child ego state
  • Deconfusion of the Child ego state
  • How I became a child psychotherapist
  • Consent and power in relationships.
  • Silence and the unconscious – Part 2
  • Silence and the unconscious
  • Silence in psychotherapy
  • Permission and redecision
  • Mature love, immature love and the teenager
  • Embrace the homeless
  • Psychology of the court process
  • Psychic organs to ego states
  • Regression – defence mechanism & natural human process
  • Two types or levels of life script change
  • Identification – Post 2
  • Identification – Post 1
  • Self control. Therapeutic implications
  • Adult ego state strengthening – Post 4
  • Adult ego state strengthening – Post 3
  • Adult ego state strengthening – post 2

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  • Joseph on How I became a child psychotherapist
  • Kahless on The Demon sub personality (Aka Lillith)
  • Kahless on How I became a child psychotherapist
  • Kahless on Consent and power in relationships.
  • Tony White on Consent and power in relationships.
  • Kahless on Consent and power in relationships.
  • Kahless on Silence and the unconscious – Part 2
  • Kahless on Silence and the unconscious
  • Kahless on Silence and the unconscious

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