Mother and father can say and do all sorts of different things to the child – good and bad – those actions tell the youngster if he is OK or not OK. But it is ultimately the youngster who chooses whether to accept or not accept the psychological message.
Maybe my young ex marine client has unconsciously understood the finer aspects of the relationship he has with those individuals who are the enemy and communicated that to me metaphorically. I must remember to thank him for that insight.
The client is then asked to respond to the therapist, who is now seen as say mother, in a way they always wanted to, but never did as a child. For instance the client may have been angry at mother but never expressed it, or they only expressed it in a passive aggressive way.
It is said that the 3 year old is assentive whilst the 4 year old is assertive. People with assertion problems maybe fixated at this stage.
Transference neurosis refers to the situation in psychotherapy where the client will establish the same type and pattern of relationship with the therapist that he had with his original mother and father.
The paranoid wont respect the therapist (see them as having a potency) unless they prove themselves to be a good thinker, that can at least match the paranoid in this way.
When they first started they scared us, so we fought back as we usually do by using the police to maintain order and keep people under control and behaving properly. But this group of young people did not stop. We started to discover how powerful they were
A1 Black and white thinking. She is a bad person for hurting me. Behaviour can be the person.
A2 thinking can understand that all people are good and some just have unproductive behaviour or behaviour that hurts others. Behaviour is bad not the person.
Eric Berne listed four ways of recognising ego states and as we know a fifth way (contextual diagnosis) has since been added.
The condition of OCD can sometimes result from being raised in a hurried child environment as a youngster. The child develops chronic anxiety and this manifests as OCD in adulthood. The anxiety residing in the person becomes expressed in some kind of obsessions and compulsions as they grow older.
As all the new ‘romantic things’ the teenager has to do become more automatic, the teenager is then afforded the ‘psychological space’ in their head to begin to experience the other in this new way. They can begin to experience the personality of the romantic other.
People can use a car to act out their suicidal urges and drive at high speed into a solid object. This is then an expression of suicidal urges. However there are others who will drive such that their own and others lives are put at risk and some times people are killed. This is different as it is an expression of homicidal – suicidal urges.
Forget the whole testing thing and start the slow process of rebuilding the lines of communication. Hopefully it wont be too late and there are not too many deep scars left on both parent and teenager, such that a reconciliation is impossible.
However there is quite a sizeable group (most people) who use drugs and alcohol in a non problematic way. They use drugs and alcohol such that their life script is not advanced and their relationships are not damaged in any significant way.
Full contact in relationships is something that many humans seek but at the same time can be frightening. It seems safe to say that the natural human condition is to have quite a strong ambivalence about emotional intimacy in relationship.
If one has the opportunity it is pertinent to ask the parents about the good child in the family. The one who is not making any noise can be the one in most pain.
A man will usually use a woman as a trophy because of his own insecurities and magical thinking as this diagram shows. He has doubts about his own worth and OKness.
The teenager is meant to learn how to make wise use of his leisure time. This is psychologically important because it reflects the development of the Free Child ego state in the personality.
I am not arguing for or against laws about smacking of children. What I am saying is that at some point it has to stop. Using the law to take away more power from the parents simply leaves a child feeling more insecure.
I had refused to engage her RC therapy and instead suggested some Free Child activity we could do. Maybe that had allowed her to at last discover that her Free Child didn’t want to smoke anymore.
In essence you begin to gain a bit of respect. If the Rebellious Child starts to
respect the counsellor as a person, then the individual becomes more receptive to
the therapeutic benefits of the counselling.
Of course this has significant implications for therapists in countries like Australia. We have long been indoctrinated by the theories of Margaret Mahler and John Bowlby who both adopt a very individualistic approach in their theories. It would seem wise to be much more understanding of the communal family structures.
First, this is better for the parents (which in turn is better for the children) because there is usually more support readily available. Second, from an attachment theory point of view it is better if children are raised in a polymatric family rather than a monomatric family.
It seems people like the whale sitter are the sign of a healthy society. A sign there are people in our society who will – Go where no man has gone before!
Even in death, suicide and murder there is still a childlike innocence, because they are still childlike thinkers to some degree.
Carl Jung was big on this idea. He said that a husband learns to see the women’s perspective because over time he introjects the wife’s personality into his own.
The therapeutic response is clear. Get the family secret exposed and this can change family dynamics, quite profoundly at times.
Transactional analysis theory of strokes is central to the basics of the theory
Please me driver and personality
Characteristics of drivers in the life script